Det var vad som visades dag efter dag på min väderapp. Och sol blev det och hiskeligt varmt i flera dagar. Jag reagerade som vanligt på värmen med pseudoskov (gamla skov känns av) och den himla fatiguen (hjärntrötthet) höll på att göra mig tokig. Jag har duschat massor av gånger varje dag för att kyla ner mig, men tyvärr är jag lika varm igen när jag har torkat mig.
Vi måste åka och bada tänkte jag, men så kommer verkligheten ifatt. En utomhusbassäng funkar inte, eftersom jag inte kan ta mig uppför stegen längre. Ett bad i sjön är inte heller någon enkel sak. Hur håller man balansen i på sand som flyttar sig på botten när man ska försöka gå upp?
Min man och jag åkte iväg för att han skulle handla en sak. Jätteskönt med ac i bilen. Vi tog inte med rullstolen eftersom jag tänkte att jag kunde stanna i bilen under tiden. Det fanns inga skuggplatser på parkeringen och bilen blev snabbt varmare och varmare. Termometern visade på 35 grader och jag började få panik. Svetten rann och kroppen var i någon slags sparläge. Jag visste att jag inte skulle klara att gå till ingången i affären, där det borde vara svalare. Det fanns inte heller någon skugga dit jag kunde ta mig.
Jag tycker inte om alla dessa timmar när jag ligger i sängen med fläkten på för fullt och i stort sett bara orkar ligga där och läsa. Tröttheten framkallar också en massa tankar. Min verklighet är att jag aldrig kommer att bli bättre utan gradvis sämre. Vad ska jag göra med mitt liv? Jag vet inte. Vad finns det som jag skulle kunna göra efter jobbet? Jag vet inte.
Det här blev en trist historia. Men det är så det är. Livet blir trist när man inte orkar och inte kan ta sig någonstans utan planering, planering och planering. Det som faktiskt förgyller mina vardagar är att jag faktiskt kan jobba 3 timmar per dag och där, på mitt jobb, finns alla underbara kollegor och tiden rinner iväg.
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